


Under the Fire

by lostinhellfire



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bottom!Thorin, Dragon-Sickness, Dwarves only love one person, I'll add tags as the story goes on..., M/M, Rejection, Stupid Hobbit, Suicide Attempt, Thorin is a poor bby in need of some tlc, now with porn, or gold-sickness, self-worth-issues, stupid dwarves, sub!Thorin, virgin!Thorin, yeah thorin really gets it here.....
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 12:12:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinhellfire/pseuds/lostinhellfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rejecting Thorin seemed the only logical thing to do. Maybe it would finally break him out of his sickness.<br/>What Bilbo doesn't know: Dwarves only love one person in their entire live. And rejection by this person causes them to fade....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hardest Question of them all

**Author's Note:**

> shamelessly filling my own prompt:  
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/9471.html?thread=20667647#t20667647
> 
> They've won the BoFA, the dragon is dead, the Arkenstone at its rightful place. But Thorin is still gold-sick. And it is getting worse.  
> Despite his maddening sickness and his painful shyness Thorin still somehow manages to confess his love to Bilbo - who rejects him saying he will stay his friend, but he could never love someone who nearly risked all their lives for a stupid gem.  
> At first this seems to have been the right course of action. The dragon-sickness seems to have vanished over night and Thorin rules wiser and thinks before acting.  
> But he nearly never speaks to Bilbo anymore and if he does, he wont look at him.  
> The company notice his quiet and secluded behaviour. He nearly never visits any feasts anymore and noone can remember seeing him eat something.  
> They start getting really worried when Balin mentions the sobbing he has heard out of his kings rooms.  
> Desperate and absolutely clueless they turn to Thorin's former best friend, only to hear that the hobbit has rejected him as his one, causing Thorin to fade. The company explains the effects of being rejected by your One to a very confused hobbit. A heartbroken and guilty hobbit hurries to Thorin's quarters to explain himself and confess his love - only to find that the king has tried to end his miserable existence.  
> +10 for happy end  
> +1000 if the sickness never actually vanished, but Thorin just forcibly repressed it, while still secretly suffering the effects  
> +10000000 for Bilbo feeling unbelievably anxious and ashamed while waiting for thorin to wake up  
> +100000000000 for Thorin happily accepting bilbo's apology  
> +10000000000000000000.... for comfort-sex with bottom!thorin <3
> 
> un-beta'ed, please be gentle with me. Rated for later...... :3

Bilbo still found it hard to believe it. The dragon dead, Erebor reclaimed, the Arkenstone at it's rightful place, the Battle of the Five Armies won. Their quest a success.  
And the even greater miracle: all of the company came out of it alive. Although the battle had left it's marks (Kili and Fili had spent the last week at the healing halls, Dwalin had another scar on his face, Bombur's beard had nearly been singed of,...), they had to grieve no dead.  
And now, a week after their victory, nearly everyone was able to leave the sickbeds and join them in celebration.  
Watching a dwarven feast wasn't that much of a shock anymore and Bilbo could even laugh at Kili and Fili, both drunk out of their minds, trying and failing to sing various dwarvish songs. It escalated into them trying to be ever louder than the other one, ending with them nearly fainting as they had forgotten to breathe.  
Bilbo was chuckling and sipping at his ale while letting his eyes travel over the huge gathering of dwarves from both Blue and Grey Mountains.  
They eventually landed on the newly crowned king of Erebor. Bilbo's good mood seemed to suffer all of a sudden. Yes, they had won the battles against dragon and orc, but one in these halls was continuing to fight on his own.  
The peak of Thorin's goldsickness had been the attempt to throw Bilbo out of the mountain after discovering his betrayal.  
It had gotten better after that. Nearly seeing his nephews die and suffering some grievous wounds of his own seemed to have dulled the dragon-sickness somewhat. But it had returned in recent days and Bilbo was beginning to dread another desaster.  
He had watched Thorin visit the treasure chamber noticeably more often and sometimes he seemed to be put into a trance just by looking at the Arkenstone.  
He was also growing irritable again, even snapping at members of the company a few times.  
Bilbo hadn't noticed he was staring and hastily averted his gaze when he noticed that Thorin was returning it, but it was too late.  
Bilbo dreaded talking to a sick Thorin so he got nervous when he saw the king approaching.  
When Thorin finally reached him, he was wearing a light smile, but was fumbling around with his hands at the same time.  
"Bilbo, can we please talk in private?"  
Said hobbit was pleasantly surprised by Thorin using his first name instead of 'halfling' or 'burglar'. Maybe they had a chance of reconciliation after all. Bilbo had grown to like the king during their journey and had valued their short friendship. He nodded and followed Thorin out of the halls.  
Thorin lead him to an abandoned and poorly lit corridor. He stopped and said nothing for a while.  
Bilbo noticed that he was fumbling around again, even more pronounced than before.  
He waited for the king to begin the conversation, but after a minute of silence he cleared his throat and asked: "Sooo....?"  
This seemed to further intensify Thorin's twitching, but actually made him talk.  
"I- I wanted to thank you. And I wanted to apologize to you. For your help. Thank you, I mean. And I wanted to apologize for my behaviour. My unjust behaviour and how I treated you. I- You did the right thing by trying to make peace with the elves. I see that now. We would have been lost without them." He looked deep into Bilbo's eyes "You saved us all with your actions."  
Bilbo gaped at him. While he had certainly hoped for an apology, he was surprised by it's length and heartfeltness. Thorin seemed to be completely free of the sickness in this very moment.  
"Ah- Yes. Yes, of course. That's... the only right thing to do. I was trying my best for your sake." The company had become his friends, why would he let them run into their doom?  
Thorin's face lit up.  
"You are a brave little hobbit, Bilbo. I noticed it when you saved me from Azog, but I only truly realize it now. Not many dared to stand up to me and I admire that. This sort of courage is exactly what I need in my court. You'd be a great help to any king."  
Completely deaf to Thorin's implications and quite charmed by his words Bilbo started to blush.  
"Yes, I guess I would be."  
Thorin was full on smiling now. Bilbo smiled back. If accepting his compliments could make Thorin this happy, he would do it more often from now on.  
"Bilbo, there is something I need to ask you."  
"Yes?"  
The smile vanished from Thorin's face and he seemed to steel himself for what was to come.  
Bilbo grew anxious. Was this were he would be sent back? He was of no use any longer, so he could as well leave Erebor and return to the Shire, but he would miss some of the good friends he has made here. Would he be expected to leave come morning or would he have time to say goodbye?  
"Would you be willing to marry me?"  
Bilbo was completely stupefied. That wasn't at all what he had expected. He looked at Thorin and found him blushing bright red and not even looking at Bilbo.  
Was it truly such a big shame to ask this question? Thorin had said it himself: Bilbo would make a great addition to the royal court and by wedding him he ensured his loyalty.  
Bilbo remembered a furious and mad Thorin, a Thorin obsessed over some stupid jewel, a Thorin willing to start a war just to keep his riches and he suddenly felt sick.  
He couldn't look at Thorin as he gave his answer in a pressed voice.  
"Thorin, I ensure you that I will forever stay your friend and I will forever be at your side and help you wherever I can, if you want me to, but I cannot marry someone who is so completely fixed on his wealth he needs to be tricked by a mere burglar before he sees reason. So my answer is no."  
He heard Thorin suck in a breath but didn't dare look at him. He was expecting to be dangling over the railing again for disrespecting the king in such a way.  
"I- I understand." was all the king stammered before turning and walking down the corridor quickly.  
Bilbo looked up and watched the king disappear.  
It had hurt him to reject him so coldly, but maybe this would finally make Thorin see reason and become more like his true self. The Thorin Bilbo had fallen for.

\---

Thorin was practically running back to his quarters, praying that he wouldn't meet anyone on his way there.  
When he finally arrived he threw the door shut, bolted it and slid down onto the ground.  
It hurt.  
It hurt worse than Bilbo stealing the Arkenstone.  
He pressed a fist in front of his mouth, trying to regulate his frantic breathing, clutching his cramping stomach with the other one.  
He had suspected Bilbo to be his One since he had rescued him from the pale orc. He had wanted to deny it so badly after being robbed of the Arkenstone, but waking up after the Battle of the five Armies with Bilbo sitting next to his bed had wiped away any doubts.  
And now his One had rejected him. The greatest shame for any dwarf. And all because of that accursed dragon-sickness, something he didn't know how to stop.  
He hadn't even noticed the tears streaming down his face, but now he wasn't able to stop them any more.  
A sob was breaking free and soon the king was curled up on the floor, clutching at his burning chest and weeping like a child.


	2. A blind Bunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin changes, but not all see it for how it truly is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo, here is the second chapter :D  
> beware of ignorant company members and blind burglars and a devastated king.

Thorin's behaviour changed drastically over the next days.

The dragon-sickness seemed to be blown away, leaving something that resembled the real Thorin.

Bilbo found himself secretly proud for his achievement. Apparently rejecting Thorin had been the right course of action, as it shook him out of his sickness.

Maybe they could even have a second chance, if Thorin found it in himself to forgive Bilbo for his harshness. But the Hobbit was sure, the king would be able to see the motivation behind his actions, if only given enough time.

As for now, Thorin was obviously avoiding any interaction with him.

Bilbo hadn't seen him for three days after the proposal and on the fourth day he encountered Thorin in the hallway and the king actually turned the other way while an obvious blush crept up his neck.

 _That is only understandable_ , Bilbo thought to himself. _Meeting the person who rejected your marriage proposal can't be that pleasant._

He'd just have to wait for Thorin to make the first step.

 

\---

 

Thorin was desperately trying to control the pain in his chest.

He had just thrown up his entire breakfast, which had been a stupid idea from the start, but the burning just wouldn't cease.

He had finally been able t leave his rooms after almost three days of crippling aches and cramps.

He had gone and ate something and was just convincing himself to finally pick up his kingly duties again, when he had met the cause for his hurt in the corridor.

Just seeing Bilbo had brought the burning back in it's entirety and although incredibly embarrassed by his improper behaviour, he found himself turning on the spot and hurrying back to his quarters.

Because as embarrassing as openly avoiding Bilbo was, having him witness his breakdown would have been worse.

 

\---

 

Days turned into weeks and Bilbo wasn't the only one to notice a change in the king.

Dwalin couldn't explain what brought Thorin to his senses so suddenly, but he was not going to question it.

Not when Thorin made such a fine and just king.

He had been waiting for some king of relapse, but Thorin continued to reign wisely and speak in ore diplomatic ways. Even with the elves!

Dwalin was so proud of his king and how he had managed to defeat the sickness on his own. He remembered how Thror had tried and failed the same task.

One day he even told Thorin how proud he was and swore his eternal loyalty to the 'bravest of dwarves'.

And entirely in the humble manner of the new king, Thorin had bashfully averted his eyes and quietly thanked him before returning to his duties.

 

\---

 

Thorin had returned to his study, but not to his duties.

He was too caught up in turning Dwalin's statement over and over in his head.

So apparently he made a quite acceptable king.

And apparently he got quite good at hiding his sickness. Because while it wasn't visible to the public, the dragon-sickness still raged on inside of him.

But the memory of Bilbo's obvious disgust at his behaviour under the influence of the gold was enough to force it back every time.

He still felt the gold calling for him and he still felt the power of the accursed Arkenstone, but he couldn't risk seeing revulsion in Bilbo's eyes one more time.

He longed to throw the jewel down the deepest mines or to grind it to dust, but he had to keep the heirloom or else he'd raise suspicion. And no one could know of his shame.

 

\---

 

Oin wasn't a perceptive man.

Sure, he could diagnose and treat illness if one came to him for help, but he had never been sociable and was quite indifferent to other people's feeling.

His expertise lay in the physical side of health.

But even a blind man could see that their king was unwell and Oin was only deaf.

He had started to observe the king after seeing him nearly faint while sparring with Dwalin.

The bald dwarf had only laughed and dismissed it as simple overworkedness, but Oin saw how Thorin almost collapsed under Dwalin's friendly shoulder-patting.

He saw how the king would eat less and less every day and how the bones seemed to become more pronounced.

The king seemed ever tired, despite never attending to any feasts.

Oin had wanted to examine Thorin under the disguise of a regular check-up, but the king had dismissed him hastily.

He could, however, not stop Oin from wondering.

 

\---

 

Thorin was bend over the closet once again as convulsions made him shudder.

It was getting ever harder to keep anything down.

In the beginning, Thorin had tried to fill the gaping hole in his heart with anything.

Food, drink, sleep. But he soon found that sleep was evading him and eating was becoming increasingly impossible.

The mere thought of his One and his rejection made bile rise up his throat with everything he had managed to shove down.

He noticed himself getting thinner and some nights he lay awake because of hunger-pains, but there was no helping it.

He knew what happened to dwarves that were unable to be with their One and he knew that his fate was inevitable, but for the sake of his kingdom and his loved ones he chose to ignore it.

 

\---

 

Fili and Kili loved their uncle to the point of worshipping.

They had even forgiven him for leaving them behind in laketown, after seeing him cry in relief at them not dying during the Battle of the Five Armies.

They knew their uncle, but they also knew his pride.

That's why they chose to keep quiet even while seeing how unwell their uncle was. He would not thank them for misguided concern and he was putting such an effort in trying to keep up a facade.

They noticed how he was avoiding their burglar and at first they suspected it to be because of the business with the Arkenstone.

But then they saw the longing looks Thorin would throw after Bilbo.

"Do you think he misses him?"

"Whom?"

"Bilbo."

"Then why doesn't he just talk to him, make up with him?"

"Because he is surely the most prideful dwarf in all the seven kingdoms. He would rather sell the Arkenstone than make the first step towards reconciliation."

Kili nodded. Thorin had a bad habit there.

They forgot about their uncle's relationship to the hobbit for some time.

Until they observed Bilbo interacting with Bofur.

They had been watching Bilbo trying to teach the game called conkers to Bofur, who was outstandingly bad at it.

Bilbo was already growing slightly desperate when Bofur finally managed to get it right.

Bilbo must have been incredibly relieved as he grabbed the toymaker and hugged him while laughing and congratulating him.

Fili was just going to make a remark about how exuberant Bilbo was in showing his joy; conkers must be very important to hobbits; when he spotted his uncle.

Thorin's expression was one of utter misery. Watching the hobbit and the toymaker, he looked ready to cry on the spot.

Fili bumped into Kili's side, to draw his attention to their clearly devastated uncle.

Kili looked at their uncle, followed his gaze and looked back to his brother.

"You don't think..."

"It's not that far-fetched, is it?"

"Bilbo is uncle's _One?!_ "

"Evidently."

"But, but... It just looked like Bilbo and Bofur..."

"Yes."

"But what can we do?"

"Nothing, I fear."

 

\---

 

Balin hurried towards his king's chambers.

Some messengers from the Mirkwood had arrived. Apparently they carried important news.

Of course, Balin could have dealt with them on his own, but Thorin was increasingly bent on dealing with all kinds of matters himself.

While being an admirable intent, it was also a thing of impossibility. Anyway, now was not the time to act against Thorin's explicit wishes.

Bilbo's unexpected declaration of wanting to leave for the Shire within the week had been enough surprise for a day.

He was just about to knock when he heard soft noises from inside Thorin's chambers.

Not wanting to disturb his king he decided to listen on the door, only to freeze in shock.

Coming from the inside were coming the most heartbreaking sobs he had heard in a long time.

The last time he had heard Thorin crying was when his mother had died and even then it didn't sound like he was choking on his tears.

Balin felt his heart breaking. Whatever could have made their strong kind this desolate? He wracked his brains for an answer, the Mirkwood elves completely forgotten.

He frowned. Was it the impending loss of their burglar?

It was the only possible explanation and the more Balin thought about it, the more obvious it became.

He had to speak to Bilbo immediately.

 

\---

 

It had been the last straw.

Seeing Bilbo with Bofur had been bad enough, but the concept of losing him?

For weeks Thorin had tried to escape the burglar, but now that they were to be parted, existence without him seemed unbearable.

Sobs were shaking him while he seemed to burn from the inside.

It hurt so badly.

He didn't even care if anyone heard him. It didn't matter. All would be over soon.

Bilbo leaving had destroyed any hope he had left. Now it was obvious: Bilbo hated him. Why else would he make him suffer like that.

And still, despite knowing of the hobbit's feelings, he couldn't help but love him more than ever.

And it hurt.

He clenched his chattering teeth and tried to see through the misty haze.

It was too much, he couldn't take any more.

He couldn't even sit up, how would he manage to stand when Bilbo said his goodbyes.

It had only been a fleeting thought over the last weeks, but now it was decided, he would have to end it now, before it could get even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so, so much for all the comments and kudos on the first chapter! I'm trying to answer all of them and I really appreciate your critique. Please point out any mistakes, so I can improve. Thanks :)


	3. Everyone's fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A clueless hobbit, guilty dwarves and a broken king. Will Bilbo be in time to say how sorry he is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, prepare to be frustrated by an utterly stupid and clueless bunch of idiots, who just let their king suffer alone. I hope they are feeling terribly guilty!

Bilbo had been at Fili's and Kili's mercy for at least an hour. After announcing his impending return to the Shire he hadn't been able to get rid of them.

He hadn't even properly said goodbye to Thorin, which made him sad. He had been hoping for a new start or a second chance, but he had waited in vain. The sign he had been waiting for didn't come and Thorin was getting ever better at distancing himself.

So in a last desperate attempt to gain the king's attention he had announced his parting in front of the entire company, but as soon as the devastated princes had him in their clutches Thorin silently slipped away without a final farewell. This confirmed Bilbo in his decision, but it didn't make the task any easier. Especially with two young dwarves holding to his sleeves and begging him to stay.

"Please, we'd do anything!" "Don't leave us!" "We'll never call you small again!" "Is it because of us?" "Is it because we don't have hairy feet?" "Do we stink that much?" "Is it because of the dragon-sickness?"

The last remark made Bilbo stare at Kili in surprise.

"Why would I leave because of that?"

"Well, you never seem to talk to uncle anymore, so we thought..."

"Nonsense! This has nothing to do with Thorin. And, really, he seems to be quite healed from that dreaded disease. Or- or not?"

His conviction started to crumble when he saw the looks they were throwing each other.

"Bilbo, our uncle might be able to hide it quite well when it concerns other people, but he can't fool his family."

Kili nodded. "Yes. He doesn't want anyone to perceive him as weak or corrupted so he tries to hide it, but it's still there."

"You see it when he looks at the Arkenstone. He is enchanted by it, but loathes it at the same time. We know our uncle, Bilbo."

"We just don't know why he suddenly got _this_ good at hiding his problem."

Bilbo stared at them in horror. They were basically saying that rejecting Thorin hadn't helped at all, but just made the sorrow eat even deeper into him.

Bilbo had pushed him away when Thorin was probably only asking for help. Maybe his proposal was a plea to make Bilbo stay with him. And now Bilbo had gone and told everyone that he was leaving.

Bilbo groaned. "I'm such an idiot."

The brothers wanted to answer, but were interrupted by Balin.

 

\---

 

'Blasted Mirkwood elves!', Balin thought as he hurried into the throne hall, were he hoped to find the hobbit. The elves had managed to track him down and it had taken too much time to get rid of them. Balin felt that Thorin needed help quickly.

He almost thanked the maker when he spotted Bilbo and the lads. He sprinted over and heard something about idiots before he reached them.

"Bilbo! I am so glad to have found you! I have a very important question to ask you!"

 

\---

 

Dwalin knew for a fact that his brother wasn't what you would call 'fit'. So seeing him running across the hall naturally made him curious.

He saw his brother running towards Bilbo and the boys and he decided to join them. Oin, who he had been talking to, just tagged along and they arrived just in time to hear Balin ask: "Have you noticed how much Thorin has changed over the last weeks?"

Dwalin wanted to snort. How much he had changed? More like a complete transformation! Dwalin like the new, responsible king, but he found himself missing the relaxed evenings in front of the fire or a match with his best friend.

"Aye, a quite big change don't you think?", he answered, "Makes a damn fine king without the sickness, does he?"

He didn't expect Kili and Fili to look at him as if they were surprised.

"What do you mean 'without the sickness'?", Kili asked incredulously.

"He conquered it, didn't he?"

 Fili gasped for air. "Is that what all of you believe? That he is free of the sickness?" He looked at Dwalin, Oin and Balin who looked at him with a mix of surprise and guilt. "Or is that what you wanted to believe?"

Oin cleared his throat. "There seems to be something weighting on his mind. I couldn't say what it was and even now I am not sure if there isn't more to it than the sickness..."

Balin nodded. "Yes, he seems to be hiding another thing, too..."

Dwalin looked completely flabbergasted. "You mean he has been _hiding_ his sickness all this time? Why would he do something so stupid? No one blames him for it!"

Bilbo flinched and said in a very small voice: "This may be my fault..."

Dwalin interrupted him. "No laddie, this is not about the business with the Arkenstone, you can't possibly have anything to do with this."

Balin fixed Bilbo and twirled his beard. He had a theory ever since he had heard his dear king crying so heartbreakingly. There was only one thing that could break such a strong dwarf... It was really the only explanation... But it wasn't his place to ask such a question...

He felt the weight of glances on him and saw that the princes were watching him. Both had a very serious expression and Fili nodded, as if he knew exactly what Balin was thinking in that moment. Maybe he did and was agreeing with him...

Balin coughed to gain the hobbit's attention and threw at him with a very grave look.

"This might sound strange, but has Thorin made any... advances towards you in the last weeks?"

Fili and Kili sharply drew in their breath and Balin knew they had been thinking the same. The hobbit blushed and stuttered: "I-I don't understand.."

"Bilbo, has Thorin asked you anything strange? Has he confessed something to you?"

"He- He may have proposed to me."

Kili and Fili stared with their mouths open. Oin nodded with a dark expression. Balin felt his insides clench. He already knew the answer, but he had to ask. "And what did you say?"

Bilbo took a deep breath. "I declined. I told him I could marry no one who would risk his friends for mere jewels."

"You _WHAT?!_ "

Kili and Fili had immense trouble restraining Dwalin, who had a furious expression on his face and was obviously trying to strangle the hobbit.

"I was trying to help him! I thought it was the only way to snap him out of his illness!"

"You stupid, _stupid_ halfling! Do you have no heart?"

"Dwalin stop! No one here has the right to judge anyone! He probably didn't know. We all saw that something was wrong with Thorin and no one acted! We are all to blame for this!" Balin turned to the hobbit and asked with a sad face: "Bilbo, do you know how dwarves love?"

Bilbo was still in shock because of Dwalin's extreme reaction and now Balin was asking him stupid questions. "What do you-... I don't- No?!"

Balin sighed: "I thought so. You could never be so heartless."

"What do you mean? What has this to do with Thorin's suffering?"

"Everything, laddie. While it is true, that Thorin is probably still suffering from dragon-sickness, there is something even worse clawing at him. The rejection of his One. You see, Bilbo, we dwarves only love once in our lives. Sometimes we recognise our one the first time we see them and in some cases it takes time. Thorin has always been rather reserved, it's no wonder he has needed so much time to finally ask you."

Bilbo was too shocked for words. He opened his mouth a few tmes, only to close him again without a word before squeaking: "I'm his One?"

"Yes you are."

Something warm flooded Bilbo's body and he felt a smile break over his face. "But this is great news, isn't it? ...is it?"

He saw the princes' sorrowful expressions and swallowed. "What happens when someone gets rejected by their One?"

"They fade. It is a tragic thing to watch. Within weeks the body becomes weaker and weaker, they lose their appetite and they feel like they are burning from the inside out. Most die from this, but some... don't want to wait for the end..."

Bilbo felt sick. In trying to help Thorin and in his accursed blindness he has made Thorin go through unimaginable pain.

"I- I'm so sorry. I didn't- I didn't..."

"We know laddie, but you shouldn't be apologizing to us."

"Yes, yes, oh Eru, I need to talk to Thorin."

 

\---

 

By the time Bilbo arrived at Thorin's room he was out of breath and the guilt had almost devoured him.

He knocked hesitantly. Who would want to talk to someone who was the cause for incredible suffering?

"Thorin? Thorin, it's me, Bilbo. I need to talk to you, please, I need to apologize to you."

No answer came from behind the door and Bilbo felt devastated.

"Please, please, Thorin, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't know! Please let me in!"

Again there was no answer.

Bilbo felt tears pooling in his eyes. Suddenly he remembered Balin's words. ' _Some don't wait for the end...'_

"Thorin?"

With the pain from the rejection and the sickness on his shoulders it was a miracle Thorin had survived this long, but what if...

_Some don't wait..._

Bilbo was getting nervous and tried knocking louder.

_...for the end...._

"THORIN!"

He was grabbing for Sting, hacking blindly and in panic at the door, desperately trying to open it.

He finally managed to break a tiny hole through the door, just enough to slip his hand in and unlock the door.

He stumbled into the room and what he saw would haunt him for nights to come.

" _THORIN!_ "

The king was lying on his bed, curled up like a child, arms pressed against his stomach as if  shaken by cramps and everywhere was blood. So much blood.

Bilbo ran to the bed and grabbed the unconscious king's arms, revealing long, bloody gashes across the wrists.

"Oh no. Oh no. Thorin? Thorin, please wake up. Thorin? Help! I need help!"

He clutched Thorin's face, only now noticing the still wet tear tracks.

"Oh no. Oh, no no no. I'm so sorry. I love you, Thorin. I'm so sorry, I didn't know.."

He gathered the king up in his arms, shocked at his lightness and clutched the bony wrists to stop the blood flow.

The dwarves who had heard his screams for help had wanted to forcibly remove him, but stood no chance. Bilbo wouldn't let go of the broken king, all the while rocking back and forth murmuring 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry...'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you all for your lovely comments and your support! I have recieved some messages and comments with tips how to improve my writing. please keep these coming! I'm happy for any constructive criticism! :)


	4. Soft Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo loves Thorin.  
> But he also has to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooooooorry sorry for the long wait.  
> My muse had fled and I wasn't able to catch it till now.....  
> I really hope you like this chapter, I promise to update sooner next time.  
> Enjoy!

Sleeping was good. You are not yet dead, but also free of everyday's pain.

Sleep is good. Until you become aware.

\---

Thorin noticed he was leaving the blessed state of ignorance between life and death. He noticed the pain. Why was he in pain?

\---

They had moved Thorin into the healing halls when Bilbo finally managed to let go of him. The hobbit had watched over him ever since.

Even in his sleep the king seemed troubled and even in pain. Bilbo winced at every moan and whimper and felt guiltier with every restless turn. It was his fault, after all.

Thorin had truly loved him and he hadn't believed him. He had been so blind. Reserved, distanced, even shy Thorin had finally had the courage to confess his feelings and Bilbo had been utterly callous.

The hobbit found himself wiping his eyes for the hundredth time it seemed. He thought it was somehow wrong for him to sit next to the king. After all he was the cause for his near death. But Balin had convinced him that Thorin needed to hear his true feelings as soon as possible.

Apparently he was suffering the rejection of his One even now and would only stop doing do once he knew that he was loved back.

Bilbo gripped Thorin's wrist softly, painfully aware of the nearly lethal slashes on them.

Hopefully Thorin would awaken soon.

\---

Thorin remembered. The rejection of his One, his Bilbo. The cause of his pain.

So much pain.

He heard the hobbit's words over and over and his weakened mind twisted the words into hateful curses and Bilbo's lovely face into a mask of disgust.

His hobbit would never love him back. He was one of the unfortunate few to be rejected by their One. He must be utterly repugnant.

His beloved was such a gentle creature. Thorin must truly be a hideous creature to be treated so cruelly. He shouldn't have asked for marriage. Maybe then...

Maybe then he would have gotten a tiny fragment of the love his hobbit seemed to give so freely to anyone else. But it was too late now.

Thorin sobbed and tried to shield himself, but something stopped him.

Ah, yes. He wasn't awake yet.

\---

Waking up blessed Thorin with the full recollection of Bilbo's actions. And his own.

He had tried to kill himself. His grandfather had taught him, that it was one of the greatest shames to take one's own life. Only the weakest cowards go this way, he had said.

And there he was. Grandson to the great Thror, king under the mountain, owner of the Arkenstone, committing suicide.

No wonder his beloved loathed him.

He opened his eyes. Not dead then. Even too weak to end his own life.

Why was he still alive? Why wasn't he allowed to escape the shame and the hurt. Was this the punishment for his actions under the dragon-sickness? Would he be granted no mercy?

Thorin sobbed and felt tears gather in his eyes. He hastily tried to wipe them before debasing himself further when he noticed movement to his left.

There he was. His one. And to Thorin's utter horror he had been watching him.

Still to weak to fight baser instincts, still despicable and the lowest he had ever been. And his beloved had seen him.

\---

The sound of a single silent whimper had woken him.

Thorin was finally awake! Bilbo felt elated until he noticed Thorin's expression.

He looked so utterly hopeless and sad. He almost looked as if he wasn't... happy to have survived. Bilbo chided himself for being so stupid. If Thorin had wanted to live, he wouldn't have attempted suicide.

The thought burned like molten lead.

He hesitantly started to reach out to Thorin, when the king noticed his presence.

He looked completely terrified.

\---

He hid his face in his hands. He wouldn't be able to take it. He would break then and there.

Please be merciful, please don't, _please don't._

"Please don't what, Thorin?"

Now he apparently couldn't even control his words anymore.

"Please don't say it anymore. I understand, I do. Please don't tell me how repulsive I am. I know, I swear. Please, please don't..."

He was just blabbering now, he knew it, but he couldn't fight it and he couldn't fight the tears that crept back into his eyes.

How shameful of a once great leader.

He hoped his beloved would leave him, so he could do it properly this time and not bring further disgrace upon himself.

\---

This is what he had done to the king, the bravest dwarf he had ever met. This is the power of dwarfish love.

Bilbo felt sick.

He grabbed one of Thorin's hands and tried to keep his voice from shaking.

"Thorin, listen to me. I did not know. I did not know about dwarves and their Ones. I did not know, I am sorry."

This seemed to calm Thorin a bit. He looked at Bilbo and whispered: "So you didn't want to hurt me?"

He sounded so full of hope, yet so unsure, so unlike himself. Bilbo wanted to run away and cry. But it wasn't his right. He had to fix this. He had to tell the truth.

"Thorin I am aware that you might hate me now. I will not blame you. I have been so blind and so stupid, I didn't see. But you need to know this. I love you, Thorin." He couldn't keep the tears back anymore. "Please believe me, I truly do love you and I am so, so sorry. I can never make this up to you."

Thorin looked so stupefied and incredulous, it nearly made Bilbo cry even harder.

"Is this the truth? You love me?" His question was so quiet, so tentative and it made Bilbo nearly sob a 'Yes, Yes, of course!'.

Thorin didn't react at all for a second, but then his face crumbled and he was openly weeping, desperately clutching Bilbo who climbed on the bed next to Thorin.

The dwarf sobbed into Bilbo's chest and the hobbit didn't know what to do except trying to calm Thorin by gently stroking his hair.

Finally the king calmed a bit and whispered: "I could never hate you, my beloved, never."

"But I have hurt you so badly. I made you suffer through your sickness alone, I said such stupid things, how can you still love me?"

Thorin let out a shaky laugh: "I cannot help it. You are perfect, you are wise and courageous. You are clever and witty. You are beautiful and full of sunshine. I am terribly undeserving of your affections."

Bilbo was stunned. He pulled Thorin's chin away from his chest and kissed him in the most gentle and heartfelt way possible. Thorin was insecure at first, but returned the kiss eagerly after a moment. It broke Bilbo's heart how starved for loving touch his dwarf must be.

"My dear, I will spend the rest of my life convincing you of the contrary."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Bilbo finally managed to confess his feelings, but that isn't the end of their problems, believe me, rejection leaves some marks and Bilbo has to work hard to make Thorin feel whole again....


	5. A Fire Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's submissive behaviour makes Bilbo discover a previously dormant side of himself..... and makes him want to ask embarassing questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I an so terribly sorry. I'm pretty sure most of you thought I had abandoned this (I'm pretty sure that was what I was thinking at some point, at least), but eeey: I am back! With a new chapter! eeyy.  
> (I'm truly sorry, but there was a lot of stuff going on and I just couldn't get myself do write anything and now I'm finally getting somewhere, so... yeah...)  
> Anyway, here's the chapter.

Convincing Thorin that he would never leave him as long as he lived sounded complicated, but in reality it was even more complicated.  
The king was quickly exhausted and had cried himself into a deep slumber. Bilbo knew that it were tears of happiness, but seeing Thorin so distraught was something he could never get used to.  
Bilbo decided he had to learn more about dwarfish love before he could help his king, so he went out trying to find Balin or someone else who could have brought some light to that matter.  
He had already been suspicious, because not a single dwarf had visited Thorin during his stay at the healing halls. Not even his adoring nephews.  
As he walked through the corridors he noticed, that the entire healers' wing seemed abandoned.  
He was just starting to wonder why this was the case, when he felt a sharp tugging feeling in his stomach.  
He immediately knew it had something to do with Thorin, so he spurted back to the room he was lying in, only to find his beloved in the middle of a panic attack.  
Bilbo knew what had happened at once.  
The king had somehow convinced himself, that he had imagined Bilbo's entire confession and apology and that he was still alone and unwanted.  
It was disturbing to see Thorin like this and Bilbo decided that it was something he never wanted to get used to.  
Without wasting time to overthink his actions, after all good intentions had led them to where they were now, he acted out of instinct, climbed onto Thorin's bed and pulled him into a fierce hug.  
Thorin was shaking all over, so it wasn't easy to hold onto him, but Bilbo was determined to show Thorin that he was with him.  
"Thorin, I'm here. You know what that means, yes?", all the right words seemed to flow out of him. "It means I do not hate you. Do you remember? I told you, that I loved you, remember? You don't have to be afraid anymore."  
It was so hard to fight against the temptation to apologize for his actions over and over, but a firm voice inside convinced Bilbo, that this was about Thorin, he had to help Thorin and trying to make himself feel better by stammering apologies would be very selfish right now.  
There was still time once Thorin was back to his usual self.  
Bilbo kept reassuring Thorin and repeated again and again that he was going to stay with him.  
He almost let out a relieved sigh when he felt Thorin stiffen against him, indicating he had noticed his One by his side and felt him take deeper breaths before finally relaxing in Bilbo's arms.  
"I-I... I thought you were... I thought I had... What you said..."  
Bilbo pulled him even tighter to his chest, but he never made an attempt to stop Thorin's murmuring. He knew, that his beloved had to get all that poisonous thoughts out to make himself let go of them.  
"I thought I had imagined... what you said to me. I thought you were... I thought I was..."  
He stopped then, but Bilbo wanted him to continue.  
"What, Thorin? You thought you were what?"  
Thorin swallowed and took a deep breath, but when he spoke, his voice was steady. "I thought I was still alone. I thought I was still rejected by my One."  
Bilbo pulled back to look his beloved into the eyes and whispered: "But now you know the truth, yes?"  
Thorin looked up at him and studied Bilbo's expression before his face softened and he whispered: "Yes."  
Bilbo smiled. "Good. Let me reward you." He leaned forth again and pressed his lips to Thorin's in a chaste but emotional kiss.  
Thorin was understandably stunned at first, but he shyly answered the kiss before pulling back with a small frown on his face. "What makes you think you were to reward me for something? I am a king of dwarves!"  
Recognizing a small amount of his former Thorin in that tiny frown and the boisterous words made Bilbo smile even brighter.  
"I apologize, my proud king. How could I ever make up for this insolence?"  
The words had come out dirtier than he had intended them to at first, but he decided to go along with it and wagged a suggestive eyebrow.  
To his surprise Thorin flushed bright red and just stared at him.  
This reaction put a lecherous grin on Bilbo's face and something warm filled his guts at seeing his One so flustered.  
"Are you saying I am overstepping my boundaries? Well, now that I have already crossed the line, what is to stop me from taking what I want?"  
The warmth in his belly grew hotter at seeing Thorin obviously affencted by his advances. He felt something primal taking control of him.  
"You should know that I could make you forget everything I did to wrong you so easily. You only need to ask..."  
Thorin gulped and began stammering: "Y-you want... Now?"  
"This is not about me wanting, this is about you asking."  
Thorin seemed to be close to fainting by now and he only managed to blabber incoherent words and tried to suppress needy sounds.  
It was probably the fact that Thorin had been in the middle of a panic attack not 20 minutes before, that held Bilbo at bay. That and...  
Bilbo tilted his head in curiosity. As pleasing as it was to see Thorin so obviously skittish, it was equally unexpected.  
Was this behaviour another side-effect of dwarven love?  
Why else would Thorin act like some inexcperienced... ooooh.  
He felt as if someone had lit all his insides on fire and the feeling in his stomach was getting intenser by the second, but Bilbo was able to fight it down. This was more important than his newly discovered dominant side. He calmed himself before looking deep into Thorin's agitated blue eyes and asked: "Thorin, have you ever been with someone before?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, not much after almost 10 months, but I promise this is going somewhere. Also, still nothing that validates the rating, but I promise that this is one of the places this will be going XD


	6. Incorrect Assumptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo asks Balin embarassing questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, the Bofa made me write a new chapter.  
> There are no spoilers for the movie in this, I will however talk about is in the notes below :)

"Thorin have you been with someone before?", Bilbo repeated his question after Thorin just gawked at him as if he had asked him whether or not he would like to wed the elvenking Thranduil.

Bilbo cocked his head to the side and wondered if dwarves were perhaps a little more private about matters concerning the bedroom. Nevertheless, he needed to know and he needed to know now.

Using a gentle command he said: "Thorin, speak."

The king opened and closed his mouth a few times, without anything coherent coming out of it.

"I- um. Well, I am the king and... It's not like I... I was very busy and- Not to say that I've never, I just..."

He seemed to get more desperate by the second and that satisfied Bilbo. For some reason he enjoyed watching Thorin squirm and stutter. The realisation of it made Bilbo snap out of his power trip. He blinked and shook his head. What in the name of the Shire had gotten into him? Why was he relish in making Thorin nervous and skittish?

"I'm sorry Thorin, it is not my place to ask you about such things, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable." Yes he did.

Thorin took a deep breath, but he didn't relax at all. "No, I understand. You are my One, of course you should know about any possible-"

Bilbo hushed him before he could spill something he might later regret.

"Thorin you've just had a panic attack. I don't want to put any unnecessary pressure on you, I really don't."

Thorin scoffed the memory of his weakness from just minutes ago. "It was not a-"

"Yes, it was. And it was my fault. My reckless and stupid behaviour has brought this on you, but rest assured that I will do _everything_ inside my power to make it up to you. I want to help you Thorin, I want you to be happy, to make you feel save. Because I love you."

It looked like the sun was shining from Thorin's face when he heard these last words. Bilbo was stunned for a second, Thorin was simply so beautiful.

He took the king's face into his hands,  whispered: "You are the most fascinating person I have ever met." and pressed their lips together.

It wasn't their first kiss, but it sped up Bilbo's heart nonetheless. The sounds Thorin was making didn't help him at all, they made him want to press his One back into the bed and continue to kiss him while letting his hands wander all over and then he'd- Hold on a second! He had just declared his wish to take things slowly and now he was, rather graphically, imagining how he would ravish the person still lying in a healing room. Where was all this even coming from?

Bilbo pulled back and the needy moan almost made him forget himself again, but he pressed their foreheads together, a gesture he had seen many times between Thorin and the people he was close to and took deep breaths to calm himself.

"Thorin, I need to talk to Balin. I will have to leave you for a short while, but I promise to be back as soon as possible. Will you be alright?"

Thorin nodded solemnly and Bilbo had to put another quick peck onto his lips before finally breaking away enirely.

"I love you"

 

\---

 

The healing halls were still deserted and it took Bilbo longer than he had liked to find Balin.

The whitehaired dwarf shot up at the sight of him and fixed him with a concerned expression.

"How is he?"

"He woke up. Twice. He was very fragile when he woke up for the first time, he had a breakdown and he was- Balin, if I had known what the consequences of my actions would be, I would have never-"

"I know lad, we all do. There is no need to tell _us_ that you are sorry."

Bilbo noticed Balin's choice of words. "I apologised to him. I confessed to him and he immediately forgave me. Thorin. Forgave me without another word."

Balin smiled mysteriously "Yes, the power of dwarvish love..."

"Yes, about that. I have a few questions concerning your special kind of love, but first of all- Where are all the healers? Why is the entire healer's wing abandoned and why has no one visited Thorin yet?"

The smile fell from Balin's lips and he lowered his voice even though there was no one around to hear them. "Bilbo, you have to know that committing suicide is amongst the most shameful things a dwarf could do. Entire lines have been erased from family trees for this. Only You, Me and the guards who brought Thorin here know about this and no one else can ever know!"

Bilbo bristled with anger "But that was beyond his control! His sickness and this accursed dwarvish love influenced this!"

Balin nodded sadly "Me, you and maybe even a few other might see it that way, but dwarves have never been very accepting of sicknesses of he mind. It would be his downfall and this time it would undoubtedly kill Thorin."

"I understand.", Bilbo muttered with a grave expression, once again annoyed by the inborn stubbornness of dwarves. They remained silent for a while before Bilbo remembered the other things he wanted to ask Balin about.

"Balin, when I left Thorin for a very short while I immediately noticed his distress and panic. Is that normal for dwarven relationships?"

Balin looked pretty astonished "Well, that usually only happens to pairs with a very deep and long lasting relationship, it is most curious that you are already able to feel Thorin's moods and wellbeing. I recommend you keep an eye on that."

Bilbo blinked, a bit taken aback. "Yes, well. Do dwarves usually take partners before they find their One?" He had hoped it would sound less awkward if he just blurted it out, but no such luck.

Balin looked even more confused. "Well, if you are talking about romantic partners, no. The bond with another is sacred and dwarves only feel romantic love to one person their entire lives. If you are talking about sexual relations however", he grinned knowingly, "that's another story. It's quite common to take unbonded partners every once in a while as it can take some dwarves a pretty long time to find their One."

Bilbo frowned. Thorin was undoubtedly a virgin, his reactions had made that quite clear. However, if that was so unusual for dwarves, how come Thorin never... Well, he would have to ask the king himself some day.

He had already turned to go back to Thorin's side, when something else crossed his mind.

"There is something else. I don't really know how to describe it though. My behaviour around Thorin has... changed in a way since we confessed to each other. I've been having strange thoughts..." He really didn't want to elaborate on his exact thoughts so he stopped there, hoping Balin would understand without having to hear the exact words.

He was lucky ad understanding swept over Balin's face like a broken levee.

"Ah, yes. Again, this is quite an early and abrupt development, but also a very natural one when it comes to dwarvish love. You see there is always one partner more keen on deviding things and making the rules, while the other usually follows their lead and acts a bit more subdued, less rashly. We call these roles dominant and submissive and many dwarvish bonds develop this kind of power system."

Bilbo nodded "Yes, this sounds familiar."

Balin smiled "That is only natural. I am guessing you are having quite naughty thoughts about our Thorin when you are around him? How you could 'serve' him and 'please' him?"

Bilbo frowned, but before he could contradict him, Balin continued on, chuckling.

"No need to feel ashamed. Thorin is probably imagining himself 'mining your tunnels', so to say...", he laughed, "It's his nature as a dominant. All kings are natural dominants, they like to see their submissive being, well, submissive. Blushing, stuttering, all that. And submissives are prone to do just that when their dominant partner is around."

Bilbo blinked. Balin's incorrect assumptions were irritating him and the thought of a blushing, stuttering, submissive Thorin was also irritating him... in another way.

"Yes. Thank you. Balin. I will have to go back to Thorin now. This has been very helpful."

He hurried back through the empty healing halls leaving behind a grinning Balin, who didn't even know how completely wrong he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew, another chapter, yay :D please continue to leave me such kind and encouraging comments, I love you all!
> 
> Now, for the BOFA: SPOILER!!!  
> Those of you who have seen the movie will probably know which scene I had in the back of my head when I wrote stuff like 'the sun is shining from his face'. Jesus. Mr. Armitage, your face is killing me. Acorns are killing me. This entire movie is killing me. I am dead. I may pick up some of the movie stuff in future chapters, I don't know yet.  
> Bagginshield is canon, hurray but also sob.


	7. Loving Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo discovers some benefits of having a One....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for porn and no plot.

Bilbo made his way back to Thorin, still deep in thought about the things he had just learned.

So he was the dominant to Thorin's submissive. That surely explained some of his curious behaviour.

In contrast to his One, Bilbo definitely had been with someone before. Quite a few actually, both male and female, Hobbits were a merry folk after all, he thought chuckling.

But never before had he felt exactly like this, even when he had in fact been the dominant part in some of these trysts. He had always liked being in control, but feelings of these extend were new to him.

It wasn't just feelings of sexual nature, though. He felt a very strong need to protect Thorin and to look after him, he had in fact felt this way for almost the entire journey, but seeing Thorin in so much danger and confessing their feelings to each other must have accelerated even the naturally intense dwarfish emotions. At least that's what Bilbo assumed Balin had meant. There was still so much he didn't understand about this 'One' business, but he was very eager to test everything out with his actual One.

He again felt the heat rising in his belly and smirked to himself as an idea crossed his mind.

Apparently it was possible for Ones to hold some sort of primitive conversation just by 'sending' sensations to the other.

He slowed his pace and concentrated on what he assumed was his mental connection to Thorin and promptly got a questioning nudge in return.

Bilbo stood still and pictured a distressed Thorin behind the door at the end of the corridor and imagined himself joining him and the things he wanted to do to him.

He transmitted his feelings of arousal and was pleased to find Thorin reacting to it.

It was infinitely exciting to learn how susceptible Thorin was to Bilbo's mental pressure on him and Bilbo savoured Thorin's obvious rising neediness and desperate hints in his direction before it became too much for him to just observe the entire thing.

He strutted down the corridor in long strides, his throbbing erection making itself noticeable with every step. He threw the door open without bothering to knock first and he was convinced that the sight that greeted him upon entering would surely burn itself into his eyes and stay with him for ever.

His One was still on the bed, but the blanket had been desperately kicked off.

Thorin looked very hot, in both meanings of the word. The sweat was standing on his forehead and his silky black hair stuck to his nape and temples.

He seemed overcome with heat, even though he was only wearing a flimsy undershirt and thin pants. The sudden onslaught of sensation must have completely thrown him off guard, because he hadn't been ably to take a single item of clothing off, even though the hastily undone buttons made it obvious that he had in fact tried to do so before surrendering.

His slightly uncovered chest was heaving, his expression was desperate and his hand was down the front of his trousers.

Bilbo spent a long time just taking in all of it.

The realisation, that he had turned Thorin into _this_ simply by broadcasting some of his excitement was making him incredibly smug and he couldn't fight the lecherous grin sneaking onto his lips as he watched his One squirming on the bed.

A loud and shameless whine managed to snap Bilbo out of his self congratulating and he noticed that Thorin wasn't actually pleasuring himself.

_He is trying to keep his arousal at bay, he is waiting for you to release him, to make him feel good....._

Bilbo hadn't thought it possible to become more turned on, but was proven wrong as his pulsing manhood threatened to spill over just from watching what was before him.

Thorin's eyes followed every slow step he took towards him and he let out another increasingly needy whine.

He stood next to the mattress and motioned his One to yield some space to him.

With a low moan Thorin pulled his hand from his trousers and hastily scooted over.

Bilbo climbed onto the mattress and promptly claimed Thorin's lips with an aggressive kiss.

The king submitted eagerly and buried his fingers in the front of Bilbo's waistcoat.

The hobbit parted their lips but stayed incredibly close as he whispered: "I want to see all of you now."

Thorin seemed incapable of forming actual words and just moaned as an answer. Bilbo found his helplessness delighting and whispered a promise to help Thorin with his constricting clothing.

He started by completely unbuttoning the shirt and drawing it just slightly off his shoulders, leaving Thorin unable to move his arms from behind his back while Bilbo ran his fingers over his chest.

His hands lingered over the dwarf's sides and his belly, admiring the defined muscles underneath the hot skin.

Thorin was clenching his eyes shut and obviously trying to control his reactions.

Bilbo smirked. He really couldn't have that.

The king's eyes popped open and a shocked gasp escaped him when Bilbo finally reached his nipples and flicked them with his thumbs.

He rolled them to hard little nubs and watched Thorin losing his composure again and again.

He kept going until Thorin was completely red faced and he was sure his jaw would ache tomorrow from clenching his teeth so much.

He freed Thorin's arms from his shirt and ran his hands over the king's abdomen again before gently pushing him onto his back.

He slid his hand just slightly under the hem of Thorin's pants and teasingly pulled it back when the dwarf tried to place his hips so Bilbo would touch him where he really needed it.

He let out a disappointed whine that turned into a startled moan when Bilbo started licking his way up to his neck.

He licked and nibbled softly while his hand rested on Thorin's lower abdomen.

The king gasped and managed something that sounded vaguely like words.

"Hmm, what is it?"

Thorin was apparently too embarrassed to repeat his request out loud so he gently pressed Bilbo's mouth to the crook of his neck.

The hobbit understood what he wanted, but he also wanted to see the king bed for it, so he pulled back and looked into Thorin's eyes as he whispered: "Tell me what you want."

His pupils were blown so wide, the blue was just a thin ring. He breathed a few times before breathing a desperate: "Mark me, please."

Bilbo lowered his mouth to the point where Thorin's neck met his shoulder, mindful that the kings attire would hide any marks there, and alternated between licking and sucking the spot.

Thorin let out a surprisingly loud moan and continued babbling until the bruise was formed. Bilbo finished, satisfied that he had found another one of Thorin's weak spots on the first try and brushed his thumb over the purpling hickey, making Thorin almost sob in desperation.

He then decided to lick and suck Thorin's already abused nipples, which pulled shameless cries from the dwarf. He retreated with a smack of his lips that made Thorin squirm.

Bilbo let his eyes wander down and he observed the way the king's pants were stretched tight over his pulsing erection and he could see that a wet spot was forming over the head of his penis.

"Do you want me to take these off?"

Thorin nodded to hard he surely gave himself whiplash.

It wasn't as easy as Bilbo had planned, because the trousers stuck to Thorin like a second skin, but it gave him the excuse to tease the king, not that he would have needed an excuse.

"My, Thorin, you are so hot, your skin is practically burning. It's really difficult to take these off, because you've been sweating so much. You want it, don't you? You really need it that bad?"

"I need _you._ "

Thorin's desperate and demanding declaration made Bilbo stop in astonishment. He had never expected to have this kind of impact on the dwarf and it made the fire inside of him burn even hotter.

He pulled the trousers off entirely before allowing himself to take a look at his prize.

He let out a low moan of satisfaction. Thorin's cock was fully erect and steadily leaking precome onto his abdomen.

Thorin shifted uneasily under Bilbo's unabashed stare and he realised that Thorin was insecure about his appearance.

Bilbo scoffed disbelievingly and decided to do something about that.

"Oh, Thorin, you are gorgeous. You're perfect."

He watched Thorin's face and neck turn a very flattering shade of red and he continued his praise while slowly spreading the king's legs.

He complimented Thorin's muscles, his legs, the sounds he made and he watched him with his clenched fists before his face, as if it would hide the full body blush he was sporting by now.

He found out that making his hand trail down Thorin's thighs and stopping just before touching his crotch made Thorin sob and sliding his hands under him and grabbing his ass with both hands made him gasp.

He then spread the cheeks to catch a glimpse of the clenching ring of muscles beneath and the heat threatened to overcome him.

He had initially been too mesmerized to notice that Thorin had started begging. A needy and nearly unintelligible litany of 'please, please, please' spilled over his lips and his hands were gripping the sheet so tightly.

"Please do it."

Bilbo stroked the quivering hole with his thumb and it made Thorin clench and sob so beautifully and it was _so hard_ to do the sensible thing.

He shook his head very slowly and looked deeply into Thorin's galzed eyes, willing him to understand.

 "Oh, Eru, I want to. I want to so much and I will, I promise, but...", he looked at Thorin's bandaged wrists, "You have to get better first, I don't want to hurt you right now."

Thorin's face fell for a split second, but Bilbo didn't allow him that much time to be disappointed, as his hand _finally_ closed around Thorin's still rock hard erection, making him shout in surprise pleasure.

"I love you so much and I never want to see you hurt again, do you understand? You are the most important thing in my life and you are my One, too, you know?"

He kept muttering nonsensical things as he began to slowly stroke his hand up and down.

Thorin was nodding in agreement, but Bilbo highly doubted he even knew what he was agreeing to.

He shuffled closer and made the king spread his legs even wider around him, slowly picking up the pace in which he worked Thorin's cock.

"You are already leaking so much, Thorin. My entire hand is wet. That is so cursedly hot. It's so hard to not just fuck you right now." Bilbo surprised himself with his crass language, but Thorin didn't seem to mind. Quite the contrary actually.

He clutched the sheet over his head and arched up and whined so loudly, Bilbo was sure the entire mountain must have heard.

He gently caressed the head of Thorin's cock while his other hand closed around his balls making Thorin gasp and sob.

Bilbo was stroking him at a frantic pace now and he watched Thorin seemingly unable to make any sounds besides sobs and gasps while desperately thrusting into the tight ring of Bilbo's fingers.

Bilbo let go of Thorin's testicles and let his hand wander back over his perineum and when he reached the reached the hole he just pressed down gently.

A strangled whimper slipped through Thorin's throat and he bucked up uncoordinatedly before exploding over Bilbo's hand.

Bilbo sighed raggedly and felt Thorin's hole spasm on his finger as he gently stroked him through his violent orgasm.

When Thorin started whimpering in overstimulation, he hastily unfastened his own pants and it took only a couple of strokes to make him come all over Thorin's stomach, mixing with the come already there.

They remained in that position for a few moments, Bilbo between Thorin's spread legs, both of them gasping for air, until Thorin started shivering. After all he was covered in sweat and not a single item of clothing.

Bilbo gently helped him wipe the come from his stomach and back into his clothes, which proved to be even more difficult than getting Thorin out of them as Thorin's movements had become very sluggish and he seemed very close to dozing off.

He then lowered himself onto his back, pulling Thorin onto his chest and the blanket over both of them.

"Is this alright with you?", he asked softly.

Thorin looked up at him, nodded and whispered the most heartfelt: "I love you."

Bilbo smiled and answered: "I love you, too, my king."

They shared one last long and gentle kiss before Thorin fell asleep on Bilbo's chest, leaving the hobbit to wonder what the world outside of the healing halls would be like after this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you.  
> Well, I had to do something to justify the rating of this fic. And it only took me a couple of months.... ^^;  
> I'm still very very insecure when it comes to writing porn (and this wasn't even full blown sex, jesus...) so please tell me what you think :)  
> remember to check out my tumblr lostinhellfire.tumbl.com , I promise to actually post stuff there XD


	8. Handle with Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They will have to leave that room sooner or later.....

Bilbo woke with Thorin's head still resting on his chest and he decided that watching the still sleeping king was more important than anything else he could possibly do.

Thorin's face was free of worry for once and warm breath puffed from between his slightly parted lips.

Well, Bilbo thought smirking, a good orgasm always did wonders for a good night's sleep.

He reminisced about their activities the day before, which woke another part of his body.

He shifted slightly and tried to will his arousal away, but only succeeded in having Thorin hold onto him even tighter.

Bilbo was just about to sigh in exasperation when the door to Thorin's sickroom opened and he almost suffered a heart-attack.

There was no hiding their current position from Balin's curious eyes, but luckily he didn't ask any questions.

Balin gently cleared his throat and whispered "I really don't want to disturb you in your... snugness, but people, including my brother have repeatedly asked me about Thorin's whereabouts. I could fend them off by saying he was in his chambers because of a minor health problem, but it is rather suspicious that no one is allowed to visit him. Not to forget that there should be a plausible reason for clearing the entire healer's wing. Luckily there haven't been any major incidents until now, so I told everyone I was examining it for constructional weaknesses, which is of course utter nonsense and I'm surprised that nobody questioned it. Oh, and members of the company have asked me about you."

Bilbo frowned "Me?"

"Yes. Whether you've decided to stay after all, because you never officially left and all..."

Bilbo rubbed his temples and sighed. He had spent the last few days in a bubble of worry and guilt and had left all 'outside' concerns to Balin.

Now that Thorin was on his way to recovery they had to think of a plausible cover-story, as mental illness and depression apparently didn't count as 'excuses' in dwarven culture.

"We could tell them that Thorin caught a cold or something because he overworked himself. Everyone would believe that. And that I had spent the last few days at his side helping him recover and mending our relationship."

Balin looked at him with a serious expression "People will talk."

"Yes, well, they will talk either way. And I would much rather have them speculate about all the possible ways Thorin and I could have passed our time together than them finding out what actually happened. Because the truth is seemingly enough for your people to disown him."

Balin lowered his gaze and nodded sadly "Well, then it is decided. I will leave you to explain everything to Thorin and come back in an hour to guide you back to Thorin's chambers. I know a few secret tunnels so we can slip by without anyone seeing you."

Bilbo smiled gratefully and waited until the door closed behind Balin before he gently caressed Thorin's cheek. He marveled at the dwarf's ability to sleep through anything. Then again, Bilbo had given him quite the good reason to be a bit out of it.

It actually took a none too gentle shaking of Thorin's shoulder to make him wake up.

Bilbo watched the beautiful blue eyes flutter open before Thorin curled himself closer to Bilbo and hid his face in the hobbit's neck.

"Sooner or later you will have to rise." Bilbo chuckled and Thorin mumbled something like 'I'd rather it be later'. Finding out that Thorin was a late riser delighted him to no end and he was curious for all the other intimate things he would be able to discover about the dwarf once they officially lived together.

With Thorin's face still pressed to his neck, Bilbo started to tell him about his and Balin's plans.

The prospect of having to leave this room and to face his subjects after everything that happened and act like nothing had changed seemed impossible to Thorin.

"What if they find out? What if they discover my weakness? Not only did I attempt to end my life, but I'm also..." he broke off and a shudder ran down his spine.

"A what?", Bilbo asked gently while stroking Thorin's soft hair, but the dwarf's reply was so muffled, he had to ask him to repeat it.

"That I'm a- a submissive."

"But there is absolutely nothing wrong with being submissive in bed!"

But Thorin wouldn't be consoled. He shook his head against Bilbo's shoulder and whined "No, you don't understand. A king is never a submissive! They will question my ability to rule and they will force me to abdicate and I will have shamed the name of Durin for ever and..."

Bilbo broke him off by gently shushing him.

"Nobody ever needs to know about any of that. Not about you being a submissive and not about... what happened, all right? Balin and I will do everything in our power to keep all that a secret if you wish it so. Do you trust us?"

Thorin looked deep into his eyes and nodded without a moment's hesitation.

Bilbo felt his chest swell up with pride and smiled. "Good. Balin will be back shortly. We will return to your chambers and act like none of this has ever happened. I will tell the company that I have decided to stay here and that I wasn't able to tell them sooner, because I was... preoccupied. I'll let them draw their own conclusions about that matter."

Thorin tried to conceal his slight blush with a frown, which did absolutely nothing to make Bilbo think his inexperience any less intriguing.

Truth to be told, Bilbo would have been taken aback by the rather extreme nature of his feelings towards Thorin, if Balin hadn't made it sound like something absolutely natural for dwarven lovers.

He pressed a quick peck to Thorin's cheek and whispered a hushed 'I love you' against his skin, which seemed to calm the dwarf a little.

They stayed in each other's arms for a bit before Bilbo motioned Thorin to sit up and helped him sort his clothes before Balin knocked gently.

"Are you ready?"

Thorin looked into Bilbo's concerned face and smiled sadly while shaking his head. "No, not really. But I will do my best."

Bilbo smiled encouragingly. "Your best will be enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeellll this was a rather short one, but I'm hoping to be able to write another chapter within the week, sooooo... (yeah, this better not be an empty promise.)
> 
> pls tell me what you think and visit me at my tumblr lostinhellfire.tumblr.com :)


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